Thursday, October 28, 2010
stricken ill
the krubbard monster has been stricken ill. It could possibly be from the dinosaur cake and spicy chicken wings last night plus the patron lemon aid, three shots, two rum and cokes, and 11 ounces of beer, but the krubbard monster firmly believes that it is because of this little monster:
He's angry because he has lopsided antennae and a funny foot so he feel the need to make the krubbard monster poop. But on an exciting note, the krubbard monster did eat pink dinosaur cake...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
political ads
The krubbard monster loves political ads. Especially ads such as this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz0C_m_VoCk
He's 100% pro-life AND 100% pro-gun! Isn't that kind of a contradiction? Last time the krubbard monster checked, guns were used to kill people. The krubbard monster feels that pro-life and pro-gun are mutually exclusive events. She doesn't see how one can be pro-life and want to save babies but yet want to use guns to shoot people (yes, she knows that guns are also used for hunting animals, she grew up in the South of the North. But generally, when guns are a political issue, it isn't about hunting rights, it's about the right to bear arms, to carry a gun at all times, you know, just in case that punk kid tries to rob you).
But this ad made the krubbard monster laugh. She started to get creative. "Well, I don't want this baby but I'm pro-life so I'll shoot myself in the uterus!" The krubbard monster laughed for a good minute after this advertisement aired.
EDIT: That guy is a mutant. The krubbard monster rewatched that video and he does not blink ONCE. The krubbard monster blinked about 1,000 times during that 30 second commercial. He's a mutant. The good people of Michigan must have figured that out, which is why he is no longer a candidate for governor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz0C_m_VoCk
He's 100% pro-life AND 100% pro-gun! Isn't that kind of a contradiction? Last time the krubbard monster checked, guns were used to kill people. The krubbard monster feels that pro-life and pro-gun are mutually exclusive events. She doesn't see how one can be pro-life and want to save babies but yet want to use guns to shoot people (yes, she knows that guns are also used for hunting animals, she grew up in the South of the North. But generally, when guns are a political issue, it isn't about hunting rights, it's about the right to bear arms, to carry a gun at all times, you know, just in case that punk kid tries to rob you).
But this ad made the krubbard monster laugh. She started to get creative. "Well, I don't want this baby but I'm pro-life so I'll shoot myself in the uterus!" The krubbard monster laughed for a good minute after this advertisement aired.
EDIT: That guy is a mutant. The krubbard monster rewatched that video and he does not blink ONCE. The krubbard monster blinked about 1,000 times during that 30 second commercial. He's a mutant. The good people of Michigan must have figured that out, which is why he is no longer a candidate for governor.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
capris
Capri pants. There is no point to them. They are the bastard child of pants and shorts. What, are you worried about your kneecaps getting cold? Then wear pants! Oh, but then your kneecaps might get warm? CUT HOLES IN YOUR PANTS! That's super trendy and not nearly as ridiculous as capris. There is no excuse for wearing capris. Okay, maybe while working out and that's only because of the risk of tripping over normal length pants. But if you are dumb enough to fall over your pants, then maybe you deserve to fall. Correction: there is no excuse for wearing capri pants.
This photo depicts what happens when one wears capris. Your skin turns green and your hair turns purple and Medusa-like and your lips turn orange and your tears turn puke-color. And your eyebrows fall off.
This photo depicts what happens when one wears capris. Your skin turns green and your hair turns purple and Medusa-like and your lips turn orange and your tears turn puke-color. And your eyebrows fall off.
UPDATE: attack of the killer moths
The killer moth has been laid to rest. The krubbard monster entered her bedroom today to put away some freshly folded laundry and to open the window (the apartment was 80 degrees - the krubbard monster does not like being warm) when she noticed a large spot on the curtain. Upon closer inspection, it was discovered that this spot was the moth. The krubbard monster grabbed a shoe and wrapped it in paper towel and went to squash said moth, but this moth was evil genius and flew away, causing the krubbard monster to flail about the room, screaming. after a valiant effort to get away, the krubbard monster chased the moth into the corner. However, the moth decided to use it's last escape and fly through a fan. It survived this ordeal, but was seriously incapacitated. The krubbard monster took full advantage of this opportunity and squashed the evil moth. It was laid to rest in the toilet (the krubbard monster was afraid that the moth would come back to life, fly out of the garbage can and eat her face).
Image courtesy of http://www.bbc.co.uk/wiltshire/content/image_galleries/atlas_moth_gallery.shtml
Rest in Peace, Killer Moth. You will never be forgotten.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
why??
A mosquito tried to fly in the krubbard monster's nose. That was the most noteworthy thing to happen today.
attack of the killer moths
The krubbard monster will not be sleeping tonight. Unless the killer moth is caught, the krubbard monster will never sleep again.
background information: the krubbard monster suffers from irrational fears, such as birds, moths, and fish.
The krubbard monster was sitting on the awesome 90's couch, watching Coal Miner's Daughter and wishing that she had the country chops of Loretta Lynn, when there was a flutter near the light. Naturally, the krubbard monster's interest was peaked so it began watching the flutter. After a few seconds, the flutter dive bombed the krubbard monster's face. IT WAS A GIANT MOTH! Quite possibly the world's biggest moth. So the krubbard monster did the logical thing and ran around the apartment while this monster chased her. The krubbard monster managed to corner it and squash it with a shoe but when the shoe was removed, the moth was gone. It wasn't in the corner, it wasn't on the shoe. It vanished. So now the krubbard monster is convinced that if it goes to sleep, this moth will seek revenge and eat her face. Until then, the moth is just skillfully hiding in the krubbard monster's hair. So the krubbard monster logically decided that she would just stay up all night. Eventually, the moth will get sick of waiting and go away. Or it will starve to death.
Image courtesy of http://www.bbc.co.uk/wiltshire/content/image_galleries/atlas_moth_gallery.shtml
background information: the krubbard monster suffers from irrational fears, such as birds, moths, and fish.
The krubbard monster was sitting on the awesome 90's couch, watching Coal Miner's Daughter and wishing that she had the country chops of Loretta Lynn, when there was a flutter near the light. Naturally, the krubbard monster's interest was peaked so it began watching the flutter. After a few seconds, the flutter dive bombed the krubbard monster's face. IT WAS A GIANT MOTH! Quite possibly the world's biggest moth. So the krubbard monster did the logical thing and ran around the apartment while this monster chased her. The krubbard monster managed to corner it and squash it with a shoe but when the shoe was removed, the moth was gone. It wasn't in the corner, it wasn't on the shoe. It vanished. So now the krubbard monster is convinced that if it goes to sleep, this moth will seek revenge and eat her face. Until then, the moth is just skillfully hiding in the krubbard monster's hair. So the krubbard monster logically decided that she would just stay up all night. Eventually, the moth will get sick of waiting and go away. Or it will starve to death.
In her mind, this is basically the size of the killer moth.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)